By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
