I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
