why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
