Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize