mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
