We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
