i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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