he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
