I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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