i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
