I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
