So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
