So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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