I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
