she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
