is your mom at the bar?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize