I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
