As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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