Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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