I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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