great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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