"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
