I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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