If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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