You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize