After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
