Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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