She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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