hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize