next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's like iHOP with fire
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
