I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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