I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
