I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
