She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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