Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
