please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
