Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
