I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
