you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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