guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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