I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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