I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
