"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
