More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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