Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
