Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
