Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
