How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
