I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
