Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
