Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize