I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are the jesus of drinking
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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