I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
