he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
