i already hear my dad disowning me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
