I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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