I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
