when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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