Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize