I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
