I didn't shave. On purpose
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
