I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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