we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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