**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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