i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
