It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
