Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think I won the penis lottery.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
