The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
