If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
