She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
