I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
