she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
