Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
