you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
