Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
