I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
