Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
