Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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