Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
