we're blogging at a bar
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
