the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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