you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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