i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ketchup is God's man juice
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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