Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
