i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
