Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
