The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
