I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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