I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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