So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he thought i was a dude.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
