I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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