New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize