Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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