I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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