Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
